Posts

wow it's been a few years

Sorry for the lack of content, I did some growing and some learning. Well if I have any readers still, I just want to say. Hey I'm back, my blog is gonna change a bit. Don't worry I'm still the foul mouthed vet who's pissed off at the world, but now I have a different perspective. We're still gonna do my rants about being a vet that the government threw away, but we're also gonna add fun conspiracy theories, talks about mental health and illness both from my perspective as a vet, and from a civilian standpoint. 
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Hope

Hope is a rare thing nowadays, and really it's the only thing I have left, so when I don't have anymore (most days) it's hard to keep going. I want to abandon hope some days, mainly because it'd be easy to end it then. But hope is the best kind of magic, it shows up when you don't have a will to fight, it gives you a reason to keep going. Hope for me is.......beating depression and anxiety, so that I can finally be happy. As hard as life is it's not over yet...............
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Too broken

You know I realized something today, I'm empty. I'm empty, because everyday that goes by I'm reminded that I'm alone. I'm alone because I'm heartbroken. And finally I'm heartbroken because everyone breaks my heart at some point.
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I'm ashamed of me

I can't sleep at night, try as I might it never comes. My thoughts race, as my body aches. I cry all night but nobody cares, I'm a disgrace to my family, to broken to work. I have the soul of an artist in a world consumed by greed. I can't earn money so I'm worthless, I can't lift heavy things so I'm helpless. I cry out for help yet like this blog it's unnoticed. My father's rage and disgust towards me rises to the surface almost every conversation I have with him, he plays it off as a joke, but his words are daggers. Everyday I wanna die more. I'm scared......
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My brain

I climbed a mountain today. I thought along the way. Why must I feel this sadness, this unceasing pain. I climbed a mountain today. I begged, pleaded, and cried alone all the way. When I reached the top, there was no cliff to jump off. I climbed a mountain today. When you need guidance, strength, or divine intervention. Climb a mountain and you'll find none, I think I should just get a gun. I climbed a mountain today. Because all the spirits and Gods left us so long ago.
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Sorry for the lack of posts

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety the best of my ability unfortunately that means I shut down from time to time
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Rules For Talking To A Veteran

Ok so I've come up with some rules for addressing me and my fellow veterans. 1 be respectful Seriously I shouldn't need to tell people this 2 don't talk about gun control with us because no matter our stance on it I fought for the right for you to bitch 3 I do my job to the best of my ability so unless it's constructive or informative shut up 4 I fought for my country you didn't so don't talk down to me 5 I can end a life from 600 yards without a scope so don't piss me off
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